Lost and Found

Do you ever question why it is that we do the things that we do. Some times we run when we should stand, stand when we should duck, duck when we should weave or shy away from something that might have been good for us. I cannot explain it; all I know is that I sometimes sit and reflect on the many decisions I have made that are opposite to everything that an outsider might have viewed as a logical or rational decision. The say self reflection provides us a window into our pasts and allows the experiences we have had to shape our decisions in the future. I can’t help but wonder though that if this is having a negative effect though, not just on me but on all those I know and those that I don’t. People pass judgment today so quickly and without a second thought; judgments that are based on social norms that we have internalized, judgments based on our past experiences and subjective thought on experiences we have heard about. I cannot help but think that I have passed up opportunities, relationship or adventures because I was too jaded by my inhibitions to just try something out. Inhibitions that have been established and cemented by my fears. Fears that have been created by past experience and irrational worries. I think when I reflect on everything that I have done and every time I have backed away from the edge of a decision that might have consequences there has been one single overarching theme to all my choice. I am not afraid that if I jump how far or fast I will fall, but of where I will land and how it will change my position in the world that I have created for myself.